Thursday, September 18th, 2014

Garrett Can’t Pull Himself Away From that “Big D” (Tasteless Humor)

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Jason Garrett has turned down the Ravens’ head coaching job, saying Baltimore just doesn’t appeal to him in the way that Dallas does.

“After going through the interviews this week, in both Baltimore and Atlanta, I did some soul searching, and I just had to admit the truth to myself: I LOVE BIG D. I mean, I just can’t get enough BIG D. In the end, it wouldn’t have mattered how much money Messrs. Biscotti and Blank had offered me. I just can’t pull myself away from BIG D.”

Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones expressed relief in not losing what many expect to be his next head coach.

“I gotta admit, ya’ll, I was nervous there for a second. But I always knew, in my heart of hearts, that Jason is a BIG D lover. He loves BIG D as much as I do, and us BIG D lovers can always spot other BIG D lovers.”

Garrett’s wife, Brill, wasn’t surprised with his decision to keep his current job.

“We’ve been married for many years, and I can attest to just how must Jason loves BIG D. Sometimes when we are making love, he’ll just scream out ‘I LOVE BIG D,’ like he isn’t even thinking about me. It bothered me at first, but I just want him to be happy.”

Ravens owner Steve Biscotti said team president Dick Cass was prepared to open up his home to Garrett, should he have chosen to come to Baltimore.

“We did all that we could to sign Jason. We even offered to let him stay with Dick for a while, to help ease his transition from BIG D. In the end, though, Jason just preferred BIG D to B-More and Dick.”

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