Friday, October 24th, 2014

Squealers (10-5) @ Ravens (4-11)

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Mercifully, the 2007 season draws to a close this week when the Ravens host the AFC North Champ Squealers in the regular season finale. All the indignities and embarrassments we Ravens fans have been forced to endure during this nine game losing streak have finally come to a head, coagulating like the pus in a giant pimple, and we can start our painful squeeze in the hopes of popping it and removing this disgusting blemish from our face forever. Unfortunately, standing in our way our those black and gold towel-waving inbreds from Steel-town, who promise to descend upon M&T Bank Stadium in droves this Sunday, like the stubborn cockroaches they are, refusing to crawl back under the cabinet even after the lights have been turned on. (Why is this blog so gross already? I guess the disgusting play has gotten to me enough that I now think in terms that only an 8 year old boy could understand.)

On a related note, as fans that will be stuck with enduring the aforementioned soulless Squealer fans this week, we here at the Nest would like to take this opportunity to condemn the mass selling of tickets that has gone on leading up to this game. All you Ravens “fans” that sold your tickets, knowing full well some Iron City swilling yokel with a yellow shit rag would buy them, should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves. And not only that, if there were any justice in the world, you would be forced to give up your PSLs, as well as writing hand-written apology letters to everyone in your section who had to put up with the drunken “Yins.” Seriously….you sold your tickets to the Steelers game? You’re dead to us.

As far as the game itself goes, well, in the dialect of our fearless leader, “it is what it is.” Troy Smith will be starting for the Ravens again, and looks to build on last weeks’ mediocre performance in Seattle. It won’t be easy goin’ for Troy though, as the Ravens lone “offensive weapon,” Willis McGahee, is sidelined with 2 cracked ribs, so the purple-and-black will turn to the 1-2 combination of Mike Anderson and Musa Smith, who nobody is confusing with Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew, to try to loosen up the Steeler defense. The Squealers will be starting Charlie Batch at QB, as Baby Ben Roethlisberger will sit due to injury being scared to death of Bart Scott. Running back Willie Parker, who broke his leg in St. Louis, is also unavailable, and Najeh “the dump truck” Davenport will carry the “load” for Pittsburgh. For those of you unaware, Najeh got his nickname from an incident in college where he defecated in the laundry hamper of an unlucky coed who had turned him down for a date.

The Steelers still have something to play for, as a win coupled with a Jacksonville loss would give them the #3 seed in the AFC, which is important because it could spare them having to travel to Foxboro for a divisional playoff matchup, should they be lucky enough to get that far. The Ravens would love nothing more than to end the season on a high note, avoid the stink of 10 consecutive losses to end the year, and alter the Steelers’ playoff fates, however insignificant it may seem.

As much as we like to think about our high draft pick come April, the difference between picking 5th and picking 8th isn’t enough for us to be OK with losing to the Squealers. Unfortunately, in what will amount to a game pitting many of the Steelers backups against many of the Ravens 2nd and 3rd stringers, the Ravens will probably just let us down again.

Steelers 27 Ravens 16

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