Thursday, August 28th, 2014

The 2008 O’s – On display vs. the Red Sawx

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I went to the O’s game today, what a great one to go to… oh yeah and I kept a game journal…

2:11 – On Pratt St. in the car, first fans I see, Red Sox fans… dag yo… I can see where this is going.

2:21 – Walking up to the beautiful Camden Yards, the vendors on Howard have shirts for sale. 60% of them are Orioles shirts/shirt-jerseys, 35% of them are Red Sox gear, 5% are Yankees Suck shirts. Well… at least we can agree on something.

2:34 – Braylon Edwards is here, he shrunk by about 2 feet and still put on 50 lbs.

2:50 – Just finished a crabcake and hot dog… now thats a Baltimore Orioles surf and turf.

2:52 – Announcer: “O’s fans, we have the reputation of being the best in baseball…” I guess that’ll be tested today.

2:55 – The Red Sox lineup is announced. Jon Lester is the starting pitcher. What an amazing story that guy has. Found out he has cancer after he was in a car accident. After more than a year of treatment he’s made a miraculous recovery and he’s found himself back in the starting rotation of the Boston Red Sox. If he was an Oriole he would miraculously still be owed $20+ million and he’d be sitting on his couch watching reruns of the Wire.

2:58 – The O’s starting lineup is announced… Manny got more cheers than any O’s starter… ugg.

3:08 – First pitch from Cabrera is a ball, I’m not sure anyone has noticed the game started.

3:09 – After 0.0 innings Cabrera’s perfect game is over.

3:12 – Dustin “the Danny hater” Pedroia bunts one foul. The Sox ball boy picks it up… shouldn’t he be in school? Where did they get this kid? Does he travel with the Sox? How much does he make? Are there Ball Boy tryouts? Is it like a combine? Do they have cones and a 40 yard dash and ground ball practice with no gloves… I need answers

3:13 – 1-0 Red Sawx. poo.

3:14 – Hey… just noticed the new scoreboard and Jumbotron/Fan-a-Vision. Wow it looks amazing!!! Have you seen this? It’s so clear. I can’t stop looking at it. It’s like my eyes are dancing in a beautiful sea of numbers and men… okay thats enough.

3:18 – End of the First, 1-0 Sawx. As I look around the stadium I’m noticing entire sections of Sawx fans. It’s like they all came down on the same bus/flight/caahh (car).

3:26 – There are 16 people in the 165 person section in front of me, 11 sawx fans, 5 o’s fans. 4 of them are plain clothes po-lice. I think one of them is Herc. The section in front of me to the left has noone in it. The usher is nazi-esque in his tracking ability. He’s on top of his game, anyone that goes anywhere NEAR either section he tracks them down and asks for their tickets. Two guys just tried to walk through the section and he made them show him their tickets. That guy is invested.

3:34 – End of the 2nd, Lester is perfect, he’s throwing a gem.

3:35 – Nazi usher is passing out All-star ballots. One per person!!! He’s not even passing them down the row, he’s going up to all 16 ppl in the section, one by one, and handing them only one. I vote for him for all-star usherdom!!

3:37 – Cabrera gets the day’s first K for kids. CareFirst donates $25. Good thing they don’t have any real strikeout pitchers, CareFirst would have to lower their donations. At this rate they could raise it to $1000 a K and be in good shape.

3:38 – Strange fact… Ellsbury’s on base again. He’s 2-2 with two infield singles to shortstop.

3:42 – And with no outs in the third the perfect game is over. Hackman Jones lays down a beautiful bunt.

3:52 – With two men on for the O’s, a decent “Let’s go Red Sox” chant starts up and Roberts strikes out. This is another, dag yo, moment.

3:53 – The Orioles like to thank the group “The Blessed Mother Theresa School of Dorchester, Massachusetts” wtf.

3:54 – The Philly Legend lives! Rocky Balboa, I mean Sylvester Stallone wins a popularity contest over Arnold Schwarzenegger between O’s players.

3:56 – Santana Moss is here, he grew a beard and dyed his skin white.

4:06 – Manny makes a running (well it was running for him) catch at the wall in LF with 1 out and runners on 1st and 2nd. After he makes the catch he jumps up and high fives a red sox fan (apparently he’s trying out for the Celtics). Huff, who was on first, is almost to third by the time Manny catches it. A relay to Cora then Youk and Huff is doubled up at 1st to end the inning. ugggggg.

4:12 – Varitek homers. A bomb over the green monstah… I mean Right Center Field, right under the scoreboard. Wow, look at that scoreboard, its glorious…

4:13 – For the 3rd time in less than 2 hours I’m hearing how, “it’s cheaper for them to come to Baltimore than it is for them to actually see a game in Boston.” We need to build a super stadium in Boston so they will stay home.

4:15 – Jonathan Van Every gets his first major league hit. Tonight on the wrap-up show he’ll talk about how terrible Daniel Cabrera is.

4:16 – It appears the Nazi usher has calmed down, the section next to me has filled up with Drunk Red Sox fan. Maybe this usher is really a red sox fans… I think someone may have a flat tire later.

4:19 – Bottom 5, 2-0. It’s time for the Old Bay Crab Shuffle!!! Woah!!! That Octopus is caaarraaazzzyyy. It’s number 1! Wooooo!

4:27 – Sorry I was so pumped up about the crab shuffle I needed a beer. Nick “because he’s so cute” Markakis just made a webgem diving catch in Right Field. The women are in awe.

4:30 – Crap. Home Run. Mike “I’m gonna hit .160 in April then go on the DL because you drafted me on your fantasy team” Lowell. Of course he’s been red hot in May, after I dropped him. Yoooooooooouk doubles. Then I hear “why are the red sox fans booing him?”

4:35 – First stadium wide “Let’s go Red Sox” Chant. super uggg.

4:36 – Fan-A-Vision advertises this Friday’s game vs. the Nationals as “take home your very own Oriole” day. You really take home a MLB player.

4:38 – The “in-between” inning camera continues to show the same 4 or 5 fans in the stands… and each time their amazed and jump up and down shaking their arms.

4:40 – I think the O’s just pulled a castaway off a raft and put him in the game. Guillermo Quiroz… … … singles! Great! Don’t let this one get near any leftover Tejada B-12 shots.

4:43 – A Roberts double puts guys at 2nd and 3rd with no out. I hear “did they score?” “No.” “Well that was alot of screaming for nothing.”

4:44 – Ray Allen is here, he’s apparently addicted to crack and weighs about 70 lbs.

4:45 – We’re on the board with an RBI groundout by Jay Payton, 3-1! Nick “I know he’s my daughter’s age, but he’s cute” Markakis is up.

4:47 – If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. (Red Sox fans are clapping)

4:49 – Markakis!!! RBI Single, 3-2 and we’re back in it.

4:50 – If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. (Everyone claps)

4:52 – George Brett is here, he’s fat and old, and has a 75 year old wife.

5:02 – The 7th inning stretch is here, “…root root root for the RED SAAWWWXXXX” they’re all gonna die.

5:11 – After a 2 out hit by Freddie “Andrew” Bynum (Lakers?), the Sawx bring in a new pitcher. The bullpen kid brings in the pitcher’s jacket to the Sawx ball boy. Wow. Two incredibly awesome jobs. Do you think they compare notes? How do you become a “bull-pen jacket jogger-outer?” What do you think he gets paid? Why isn’t he in school?

5:19 – B-Rob draws a fantastic 8 pitch 2-out walk to load the bases for Jay Payton. A new pitcher, its Okajima crap. A NEW BULL-PEN BOY!!! Do they take turns? Is there more than two? How do they decide who goes first? Do they actually like to run out the jacket? Or is it more like running laps in gym class?

5:24 – Jay Payton, up, gone! Grand Sa-freakin-lami!!! Wow and the crowd is goin nuts! For the first time today its officially an O’s stadium and crowd. What a great inning. 4 Runs scored, all manufactured with 2 outs. Out comes the YMCA!!!

5:26 – Payton gets a standing O as he returns to the field.

5:29 – Ronaldo is here, he’s dyed his skin, lost weight but he brought his transvestite prostitute with him… nevermind…they’re just girls from Boston.

5:32 – Manny rips one down the line, beats out the… wait no! The ump calls him out at first. Wow. what a bad call… I mean ummm… maybe you should cut your hair loser! It’s slowing you down!

5:41 – George “I don’t miss Seattle” Sherrill comes in. Single, Double Play, Single, Ball game. Save 15!!! Gooooooo O’s.

Wow….. what a scoreboard.

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