Terrell Suggs Could Learn From Brian Roberts’ Offseason
A lot of talk coming from Sarasota this week is about the health of some of the Orioles brightest stars, including Brian Roberts and Brad Bergesen. It appears that Brian Roberts is learning from another Charm City Superstar, T-Sizzle, about how awesome it is to sit out early-season practices. Like Terrell Suggs, Brian Roberts’ only real use for Spring Training/Training Camp is to knock a little rust off the wheels – both players have no doubt that they will be on the roster come the first game of the season.
Luckily for Roberts, he gets a free vacation out of the deal, while Suggs has to sit in 150 degree weather in Westminster, counting down the days until training camp ends or he dies from heat stroke – whichever comes first. There are notes Terrell should take from Brian Roberts to improve his life in many ways – both personally and professionally.
During this 2009 season, Mr. Suggs had a very costly run in with his Baby Momma, resulting in a final price tag of $35,000 per month in Child Support. It remains to be seen whether Sizzle’s lady friend was deserving of a little bleach bath over a fight about tickets to a Steelers/Ravens game (hopefully Sizzle reacted when she tried to give Hines Ward’s Side-Piece or some Harrah’s hotel waitress tickets to the game), but the bottom line is that he could have faced suspension and a fine from the league had the charges not been dropped.
Brian Roberts, on the other hand, is married to this hot trophy wife whom I’d happily pay $35,000 per month to hang out with:
All Mr. Roberts had to do this offseason was hang out with Mrs. Roberts. I’m sure they got pretty bored since her job is to look hot and he just has to go to the batting cages once in a while. I think it’s pretty safe to say that a lot of boning went on in the offseason and it just might happen that Brian threw out his back- Wouldn’t you!?!?!?!?!? The Orioles Obama of Baseball Operations, Andy McPhail has been quoted saying :
“As long as the symptoms keep improving, which they have with Brian, there really isn’t anything for us to be alarmed about. We have a lot of time. We have six weeks. The position players aren’t the same as pitchers in terms of getting ready, so there really isn’t any concern amongst our group.”
To me, this quote means, “if we keep Mrs. Brian Roberts away from camp at Sarasota, his back will heal properly.” I don’t know about you but six weeks seems like a lot of punishment for doing a good job in the boom boom room. B-Rob’s back may heal but what will happen with him mentally? He may go crazy enough that he’ll give the Mrs. a nice bleach bath if she rejects him for the “headache” excuse.
All we can do here in Bird Land is hope that B-Rob can enjoy some sunflower seeds and Gatorade from the bench and just let his back heal naturally; a.k.a. no boning! Hopefully he is a nice feller to his lady (unlike Sizzle) and treats her with respect. It may lead to more back injuries but at least Mrs. Roberts will be a good egg to her husband and Brian won’t run the risk of suspension, fines and jail time. So if you’re reading Sizzle (which would be pretty freaking awesome) take a few notes from Brian Roberts on how to treat a lady nice and just reap the rewards my friend.